I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
