"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
