so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
