No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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