I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i drank out of a bidet.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize