He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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