some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i think my mom watched the whole time
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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