Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize