His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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