Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
