How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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