I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
