Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
