hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
