we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
