she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
