I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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