Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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