So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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