Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
