Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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