i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
