Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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