My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
