..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
