Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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