She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
