i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
this will be a night to untag.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
