I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
