How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
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