I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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