trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize