woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
