You just made me feel so damn special
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize