I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
