Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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