I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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