Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
