He uses pillows to masturbate.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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