we're chasing vodka with high fives
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
