Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
