youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
