"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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