Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
