Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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