Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
