i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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