i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
