so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
