when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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