Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize