You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
