you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
