I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
