Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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