70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
