I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
