we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
