just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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