i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
