Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
