Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Use "feeling words"
Yay
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
