You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
