if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
