I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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