Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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