I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
