You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
