Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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