she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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