I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
