Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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