Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize