Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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