I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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